Greetings, mortals! Today, June 11, 2014, researchers at the UCSD Medical School reported their "discovery" that, according the observations of which your science is capable, the HSV-1 variant of the herpes virus crossed from chimpanzees to homo erectus 1.6 million years ago, prior to the point in time at which your biologists say modern humans, homo sapiens sapiens, arose.
Now, this is a fascinating "discovery," and a brilliant illustration of the curiosity and ingenuity with which humanity cursed itself when Eve defied God's command and ate of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. But did the HSV-1 virus really cross from chimpanzees to homo erectus millions of years ago?
Of course not. As you know, the Earth didn't even exist 1.6 million years ago. Nothing did. God didn't create time and space -- let alone the Earth! -- till 5,700 years ago. So what really happened?
It's simple. As the inerrant Bible tells us, God created Adam from the dust of the Earth. See Genesis 2:7. While HSV-1, unlike pseudorabies, typically cannot survive in soil, it can persist for up to 24 hours at a time in pure water. And back then, the ground was pretty much covered in a fine mist of ultra-pure water all the time. See Genesis 2:6. So the dirt from which you were formed happened to contain viable HSV-1 virus. Herpes was thus "baked in" to humanity.
Now, this wouldn't have been a problem if Adam & Eve hadn't defied God and eaten the forbidden fruit. A number of the fruits in Eden contain powerful interferons that would have disrupted the virus's reproduction in your cells and led to its eventual elimination. But they did, and so here you are, sporting cold sores.
Of course, we come to the question: Why does our rigorously pursued, well-researched evidence suggest that the virus transfer occurred 1.6 million years ago? Because, again, I planted all of the evidence tending to suggest that Genesis is not a true account of Creation to test your faith. You frankly should have grasped that by now.
Thank you for reading, and as always, I welcome your comments!